Teachers across our nation are lining up to face domestic terrorism head on after President Trump suggested they take on new duties to include hand to hand combat, and guerrilla warfare.
Trump also suggested that all new teaching applicants should be willing to handle an assault rifle incoming fire rate of 600 rounds per minute. Trump hinted at an additional bonus and free chew toys for any teacher that was willing to bring their bomb sniffing dog to work.
Trump added “To start we can force the 9,000 DACA teachers once they are proven not to be killers or rapist to carry firearms”, and that he may want to arm the really good students like him in the future, just to make schools less of a soft target.
President Trump twice pointed out that he was the first person in history to ever think of this idea and that he came up with it without any help from Attorney General Jeff Sessions, National Security Advisor H.R. McMasters or from watching Fox & Friends. “It’s common knowledge and everybody agrees that Trump is a genius who went to some pretty darn good ivy league schools and was a very good student”, Trump said three times.